There are so many dynamics to being a new mother, that only a new mother would truly understand.
As my Beautiful Victory approaches 11 months, I have really begun to do more reflecting on her near-first year of life than ever before. The one aspect of new-mommyhood that has actually been quite emotional is the detachment process. By detachment, I do not mean going back to work and the baby going to daycare. Actually that process was quite refreshing, but I’ll save that topic for later. By detachment I mean all the changes my body has gone through and as a mother, having become attached to those functions that are simply part of having had a baby.
I nursed my baby exclusively for the first 4 months and slowly introduced formula. So by 6 months, she was both a breastfed and formula-fed baby. Now that breastmilk is no longer her primary source of food, we have begun to wean each other. And now nursing seems to have just become comfort, reassurance that mommy is still there, I think. So my response has been quite emotional. My body proportions are different than when she was, for example, only 4 months old. After 11 months and a little bit of exercise, my “pouch” is practically flat. And there remain the dreaded stretch marks.
After a conversation with a friend and some self-reflection, this whole process is sooooo amazing that it should never be taken for granted. While I’ve fretted over the overwhelming feelings of wanting more assistance, limited sleep, new family dynamics, and just simply wanting air and time away from a 2-footer; I’ve noticed that all that has been part of this process and I’ve been able to create ways to detach from those outcomes.
But how does one detach from breastfeeding?–the most natural and normal form of feeding and bonding that any human could experience since the beginning of time. It is interesting. And I would dare to say that there is no real process. It will happen on its own. There may be crying (for the mommy:); wonderment about “what’s next?” and all such related things.
I have come to just say “so what?” All that is perfectly O.K. I mean, what else can you really do about your body being this eco-system of life and then try to force yourself to do or be someone differently? I’ve decided not to fret. Beautiful Victory is a healthy baby and, after 1 day of daycare, proved that with all the mommy-changes taking place, she is healthy and open to a new experience of socialization. Part of THAT process, breaking away from mommy, physically, in a healthy way so that she, too, can have new experiences.
And as for the ugly girls with no stretch marks? That was a friend’s/mommy’s FB status I read recently and thought it was actually kinda funny. I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself unattractive, but I do have the mommy battle scars. So I guess once the breastfeeding is over; daycare in place; family dynamics at ease; stretch marks or not, I still have a healthily attached and detached baby and can, myself feel accomplished as a new mother of only 1 year.
